Nah, That Could Never Happen
by Blitza
Summary: Because the one thing that's actually not photo shopped, is the one thing Miko won't believe. And, when fighting giant mutated monsters, one should always make sure no one nearby has a cellphone or you will find yourself plastered on you tube. Akita and Shinobu find this out the hard way.


Miko scrolled down her You Tube recommendations with a lackluster expression. She was sooo bored! School was cancelled (the janitor got arrested for stealing mop buckets of all things and apparently the event was supposed to be 'traumatizing'. It was sooo not. Watching the janitor fight off police officers with mop-bucket-foo was the coolest thing all year). And The bots were out on missions (something about a Japanese foreign diplomat?). So, she was stuck in the base with Ralph and Jack do absolutely NOTHING because Mr. I-don't-like-squishy-humans-Ratchet didn't want them underfoot while he was reorganizing the med bay. And yes, she knew they couldn't actually lift most of the Cybertronian medical tools but surely, they could have done something more interesting!

Giving her umpteenth frustrated groan, Miko gave another lackluster swish of her finger to scroll down.

" **An Alien Landed in My back Yard"**

A blurry image of something that was clearly photoshopped and not very well at that. Plus, it was organic. Everyone knew aliens were robots! Duh!

Nope.

" **My Cat Can Talk to Aliens."**

Automatic no with no glance at the image. Someone either had too much time to spend on editing programs or they were a few cards short of deck.

" **The Trains Turned into Robots and Fought a Giant Monster."**

Two Cybertronians facing off against a what looked to be some form of Cybertronian boar-

Miko sat up quickly and fumbled for her earbuds. Eyes alight with interest the transfer student happily mashed her thumb to the play button. The loading symbol popped up as the video was accessed before a sharp _Pop!_ sounded in her earbuds. The video began playing.

A dark sky lit the phones image and Miko was impressed at the bright stars above. Someone had obviously spent a lot of money on a very nice stargazing camera. Judging by the brightness of the heavens depicted on her phone's screen, they had taken the time to travel to somewhere rural as well.

On the bottom of the screen, bright yellow subtitling appeared. Miko grimaced at the glaring color as well as the fact that she didn't need it; being fluent in both English and her native language of Japanese.

"These are the skies above Yonezawa. As you can see, the stars are much brighter her when compared to the skies in Tokyo's surrounding districts. This is caused by the lack of light pollution in the relatively human-less mountains. Now, directly above us, you can see-"

A beastly roar cut off what would have been a frighteningly boring lecture. Suddenly, the camera shifted and blurred as its holder moved about quickly. When the frame settled again, Miko found herself gasping at the sight of a massive, metal boar with a machine gun on its back. Shiny red metal gleamed in the moonlight as the creature's thundering steps shook the earth. The boar was charging across the valley below the cliff top where the would-be astronomer had set up his film shoot. _A predacon? Surely not?_

"What the hell?!" A new, female voice cried. Most likely an assistant to the narrator, Miko thought dismissively.

"What is that thing?" The narrator's voice asked in a choked whisper. "Its heading back to Yonezawa!"

 **Honk! Honk! HONNNNK!** The blasting noise of a train's horn stopped the raging boar in its tracks. Its gigantean hooves skidded across the forest. Angrily, the creature's terrifying visage turned to look at something off screen. The camera swiveled once more before clearing on an image that had Miko paying rapt attention.

"A robot? A real life Mecha Robot?!" The male narrator cried out in disbelief. For indeed, standing halfway up the mountain's steep incline was a large, strangely slender mech. Miko took in the form and wracked her mind for any mech that looked similar. With such slender body was the mech actually a very battle happy femme? Though, even those tended to have some sort of feminine curves. And yet… this mech was thinner and smaller than even bumble bee, the smallest Cybertronian Miko had ever seen.

Unfortunately, this mech was new. She didn't recognize him. Hopefully if he wasn't an Autobot he was at least a neutral. Neutrals could be bargained with and traded with where Decepticons could not.

Back in the video, the mech egged the boar on before fleeing when it charged. Miko was glad that it did; the little mech didn't really look at all strong enough to take the boar's charge.

The thin mech led the boar around the valley, towards some sort of bridge with railway tracks on it. Once the two were within the clear area before it, the red mech stopped and turned to face the boar. Just in time too! For as soon as the mech turned around the boar begin firing bright, flashy laser rounds from its machine gun. Miko barely had time to frown before the red mech had whipped out his own miniature machine guns and started firing back. And amazingly, the mech could hit each hard-light bullet, bullet to bullet. Every darker shot from the boar was met easily with a lighter shot from the red mech.

It was an incredible display of accuracy from the mech. Perhaps this was why the mech was so slender? He was a long distance type?

Finally, the firing ceased and the two Cybertronians were left at a standstill as the dust settled around them. Then, the red mech brought a hand forward and twitched his fingers back in the universal 'come-at-me' gesture.

The boar charged. Miko found herself holding her breath as collision seemed imminent. Would the little red guy get pulverized? Just as she was sure the lithe red mech would be turned into scrap, something silver pulled taught across the clearing and one of the predacon's back hooves slid out from under it. The creature fell with a rumbling boom as the trap wire was triggered.

From the forest, where the wire had led to, another also thin Cybertronian form emerged. This one leapt into the air before slamming its hands together in a weird way. Its blue and silver plating gleamed under the moonlight. Then, the new mech threw its arms wide and let loose two golden… bat-arangs? Miko blinked as the spinning disks spun out of the camera's sight. When the strangely shaped projectiles returned, the blue and silver mech grabbed them in a strangely showy battle move before reshaping them in the shape of large shuriken. Miko frowned. Shuriken were (as far as she knew) a purely Earth thing. Had the Cybertronian seen one and decided to copy it?

Then, the silver mech threw the weapon at the boar. A massive explosion lit the screen of Miko's phone before clearing. For a moment, dust contained to obscure the mecha boar. Then it cleared and Miko raised her eyebrows in disbelief. Where the massive predacon had stood, was now an aged and wily, fleshy and squishy, mountain boar. With a puffy snort, it ran off into the woods.

The camera swerved back to the mechs only to catch them mid transformation into two shinkasen. After a moment, a dark figure stepped out of one, gave a wave in the direction of the blue train, and quickly hopped back into the front train car. Moments later, the red train pulled away. In the background. Miko heard the narrator and the woman start talking again but she ignored it.

Instead, the teen moodily hit the home button on her phone before flopping over angrily. Giant boars that shrink into little boars? Giant robots that turn into normal shinkasen and are driven around by their heroic pilots? Yeah right! Puh-lease! Miko already knew where the real mecha are and while that video had had her fooled for a bit (it had looked soooo life like!) those were obviously not real deal Cybertronians.

And if they weren't real Cybertronians then the video was obviously fake and most likely a 'save the wildlife' clip at that.

Boars being turned into killer robots?

Like that would ever happen!

* * *

And so, Miko misses the most likely only 'real' mecha video by believing that because Cybertronians are real, there must not be any other form of mechanical life.

* * *

This is... I don't even know? A mix of my saturday cartoons and my plans for 'To Be a Hero'. Also, this it COMPLETE... but it might eventually have a 40,000 word sequel? You know, when I actually finish something? Yeah. So, don't follow this (I will not be posting an extra chapter just to say it has a sequel). But be aware I might eventually write more on this because really, don't you think a mix of these would be interesting? I already even have a rough draft, I just don't want to write it till I finish something else. (most likely the first part of sannin switch because hey! I actually know what I'm doing with that one!)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little cup of funny. Good luck on finals, everyone! You can do it!

~Blitza


End file.
